So I’ve had a lot of problems with pre and post natal depression. I’ve suffered post natal depression after 4 of my kids and during the pregnancies with 3 of them. 2 weeks ago I realised I was so far under that there was no coming back without help.
Going to the dr was so hard. I didn’t want to admit I wasn’t coping. I felt so ashamed that after almost 3 years of feeling ok I was back to feeling completely useless. I was miserable. I wasn’t enjoying my children and the house was just a mess. My motivation for anything except laying in bed went out the window. I felt like I was outside looking in and there was a clear barrier between me and everything else.
The dr’s visit was short. I had to get an emergency appointment as there’s never anything else available and if I didn’t go that day I’d find some reason not to at all. The dr was very dismissive, I felt as though he’d read my file and totally pre judged the situation and obviously didn’t think it was an emergency. He basically asked me what medication I’d had in the past and how much then just prescribed that. The only thing he asked was whether I’d had any previous experience of depression outwith pre/post natal which is hilarious as I was basically pre or post for 10 years, how do I know what I’m actually like when my hormones have been all over the place for that long!
The medication has made me feel horrendous. I have no appetite and just feel so flat all the time. They’ve not had time to kick in yet so I’m hoping the complete exhaustion and nausea along with the loss of appetite will sort itself out eventually but I know I have a long road ahead of adjustments and I’m dreading the whole process.
I’ve given myself a huge kick up the ass this weekend and I’ve actually managed to spend time with my family and actually had fun. I feel positive because I know I’m on the road to recovery, however long that is.
See you next time, Em xXx